A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Home from Busan

So last Sunday my buddy Rich and I were on the subway making our way to Busan Station to get the train back to Miryang. We had a good time at our Salsa dance class in Changwon the night before, then we commuted to Busan for a fun rooftop birthday party for some girl we didn't even know, but were invited anyway. We had a great time partying there, and afterwards went to dance at Club Foxy. We partied until 4am, when we then headed to Mc'D's for some food before finding a place to sleep. We elected for our usual, favorite spot (which is the $7/night sauna/spa/sleeping room) I tell you, these places are DEFINITELY the best things to ever happen to Korea, by far!!!!

So, on Sunday, while we were on the subway, a Korean man helped us figure out where we needed to go to catch a train to Miryang. He asked me where I was from, and I said, "New York, America." He asked me what I'm doing in Korea & where I was living. I said I was an English teacher in Miryang and he said, "Oh I have a friend teaching English in Miryang, he's name is Darren!!" I said "What??? Who?? Darren? I'm Darren!!" He actually made me think/wonder for a second whether there was another English teacher in Miryang named Darren. It turns out that I met this man when I was in Seoul with Flo attending the Sunday night evening session of the Landmark Forum!!! He apparently didn't recognize me ( I guess all foreigners (white people) probably all look the same to him huh? just the way we tend to think that all Asian people look the same). I obviously did not remember/recognize him as well either. We quickly realized that it was ME that met him in Feb in Seoul. We had a good laugh and shared a drink together at the train station. He was coming back from a friend's wedding that he went down for earlier that day; He took the 2 hour 45 min train ride down from Seoul in the morning, went to the wedding (apparently very dull & boring in Korea) and then was taking the KTX (bullet train) back to Seoul. He had to buy a standing room only ticket on the way home because there were no more seats available on the train. He told us a little bit about the quick, rapid, non-eventful weddings that take place here in Korea and the standard amount of money that one gives as a gift. I thought this would be a personal preference (issue), but he freely told that everyone gives 50,000 Won ($50), as a standard wedding gift. He then went on the explain, that if you aren't really that close with the person, than it's OK to give 30,000 Won ($30) as a gift. This seems like a far less amount than what we Americans typically tend to give for gifts at weddings these days.
We asked him if he was married and he went on the explain a very strange (by Western standards) scenario. He said that he is/was married, but his wife decided to move out on him after one week of being married. So, for the past 3 years he has been technically married "on paper" but in reality lives a life alone, as a single man. This was odd & a bit sad to hear from him. Evidently there is a HUGE negative stigmatism attached to being divorced in Korea these days. Being a very conservative, old-fashioned society, I guess it's socially unacceptable to be divorced here. I know of couples who haven't lived together for 3-5 years, are, for all intensive purposes, separated, "divorced" but are still legally married because of was society would think if they said they actually were divorced. Again, to me, this is another example of the highly suppressed, pressurized environment in which the Koreans are forced to live today. Even as we are well into the first part of 21st century, Koreans are still living a quiet, conservative, reserved, prim, proper life as folks in America did back in the 1940s & 1950s. It really is a cute, sweet, innocent way of life here. A friend of mine from NJ who has been living in working in Asia for the past 7 years said, "Korea is the MOST Asian country in all of Asia" I guess he meant the most traditional, conservative, Eastern of all Asia countries. I did notice right away how much more Western Japan is than Korea. Everything seems so much more modern, trendy, and hip over there. What I really liked about Japan was the individuality of the people. They were all unique in their self-expression, their dress, their demeanor, and overall state of mind. They are not afraid to "be themselves", whereas in Korea, it's a very much "follow the crowd" mentality. No uniqueness here; Everyone looks the same, dresses the same, smells the same (very very clean by the way), all have same, old fashioned "bowl" haircuts; very few people have perms, curly, or colored hair here. And tattoos are very strange to Koreans. Forget about trying to be accepted if you are a gay person in Korea. You might as well be a leper because the idea is so foreign to them.

I do really admire & appreciate the "one for all & all for one" spirit that exists here though. Someone (a Korean) was explaining to me that because Korea has very few foreigners living here, they all feel as if they are all brothers and sisters (one family) amongst themselves, and show lots of closeness & affection towards each other. That's why in Korean customs, they are share food from the same plate (plates), eat from the same soup bowl, use the same cup for drinking from the water cooler, etc. That's why Korean women have no problem scrubbing the back of strange sitting next to them in the sauna. There is no uncomfortable, awkwardness that exists among the Koreans because it's as if they are all brothers & sisters living as one brotherhood amongst themselves. Whereas in America, we don't have this dynamic; Because our country is a virtuous potpourri (melting pot) of many races, nations, religions, etc, we tend be a little less open (touchy feely) with our communication among our fellow Americans. That's why I really love going to these Saunas here to see the pure love, openness, connection & bonding that takes place between a father and son; grandfather & grandson, Uncle & nephew, etc. it's just so special & precious to witness and see this. I also really loved being at a co-ed Spa this past Monday May 5th for Children's Day. Seeing so many families there with their cute lil children running around screaming, playing, eating ice cream, etc. was absolutely ADORABLE. I often find myself reaching for my camera when I'm in the Sauna, on the train, or anywhere else where I am around cute, little Korean children. They are all just so precious, sweet, innocent, excited, happy people. Plus they always pay me extra attention to me being a "waygook" (foreigner). I get to make friends and start a new "fan club" everywhere I go. I will have to posting pics of these cute Korean babies on my FLICKR site soon.
I find it interesting to learn that Koreans find Westerner babies to be so so cute, because of their big, wide eyes, milk white skin, etc. At the same time I find myself being so attracted to the sweet, cute, adorable beauty of the Korean infant. My one buddy Phil, from Houston, TX says he thinks the best feature of the Korean women are their "almond shaped" eyes. This is so funny because many Korean women don't like the shape of their eyes and they actually go get surgery done on their eyelids to make them look more Western. I've actually seen some very poorly done operations where their eyes look like playdough. It's really quite amusing to me when you think about the fact that us Westerners are trying to become darker by tanning, removing hair from our bodies, etc. While at the same time, Koreans (Asians) are trying to stay out of the sun, because they think having white skin is sexy, and being yellow (dark) skinned is not attractive. It makes me wonder if people can ever be happy/comfortable where they are. It seems as if so many people are trying to be MORE ....of one thing (i.e. patient), BETTER... of something else (i.e. better communicator) or DIFFERENT at another thing (i.e. different hair, body, etc). I know that I am guilty of this myself. I am always looking to improve, to excel, to gain that extra edge, etc. Why can't we just be happy with where we are now? So many of us are unfortunately controlled by wanting to "look good" or to avoid "looking bad". I know that this is an area that I experience a lot of. I think it's natural for human beings to want to "look good" to "fit in" "be liked". Why can't we all just be happy & comfortable where we are now, in our own bodies, with our faults, our own blemishes and shortcomings? I think as we get older we gradually learn to become independent of the opinions of others, not take things so personally anymore, and we learn to love and accept ourselves, warts & all. I think that is one of the best parts of growing older, wiser, and gaining precious life experience.